Lady Gaga (What Else Is There to Say?)

Since upon seeing this Lady Gaga photo I've had the following conversation, in one form or another, with myself.

LASSIN SAYNE: Wuzzah? I don't even know what to say. She looks insane. (Heh, I guess the world is in working order.)

LASSIN SAYNE'S BRAIN: PANCAKE HAIR.

LS: Not sure I want to go with the obvious "E.T. phone home" joke here . . .

LSB: Pancake. Hair.

LS: Lady Gaga joins the Justice League, incapacitating enemies with the blinding combination of her hair and outfits . . . nah, that's kinda tragically hacky . . .

LSB: PANCAKE HAIR PANCAKE HAIR.

LS: Hottest new skein-o-yarn hair accessory in case a frantic knitting tournament erupts in the middle of her interview?

LSB: PAAAAANCAKE HAIR.

LS: Her hair stylist was viciously craving a jelly donut?

LSB: PANCAKE HAAAAAIR.

LS: Gah, it's hypnotic in its monstrosity; I can't think of what to say. Sometimes there just aren't words.

LSB: I CAN THINK OF TWO WORDS THAT WOULD FIT QUITE NICELY.



P.S. I actually had this post done yesterday, but the only computer I had access to wouldn't let me operate Blogger. Sorry about that.

. . . Boys Go to Jupiter to Get More Stupider

A long-disputed and highly controversial subject in our society is the question of whether males or females are the superior gender. I am here to tell you that, without question, it is most definitely the latter. Three facts that prove girls are better than boys beyond a shadow of a doubt are that they are more highly esteemed as models, are more determined to look good, and make better mothers.

If there’s one thing modern America has taught us, it’s that models are a more evolved subspecies of humans, and we should all want to be like them. Naturally, one could infer from this that if a person were easily recognizable as a model, he or she would be the best of the best – the ultimate Homo superior, if you will. Now, if I were to ask you who Tyra Banks is, you’d probably answer “the host of America’s Next Top Model” or “that chick on Sport’s Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition,” depending on if you’re a girl or boy. Simply, I’m sure you would be able to identify her as a model. However, if I were to ask you to tell me who Travis Fimmel is, could you? Is the name ringing any bells? Well, Fimmel is currently ranked the number one male model in the world. My point in this demonstration is, of course, that in putting two allegedly famous models together, a female and a male, you only knew of the former. If, indeed, a model is a sign of excellence, then men have been made Mercury to women’s Jupiter.

On a similar note, women tend to go to greater lengths to present themselves in a more attractive manner. It’s a proven fact that attractive people are more successful in life than their average counterparts. Though at first glance the average woman spending $471 a year on beauty products compared to Joe Sixpack’s $198 may seem wasteful, in the long run it will actually allow her a better shot at a well-paying job. This not only makes females smarter for a larger initial investment in appearance, but also ultimately more successful. Although it is true that things like the addition or absence of floral scents from shaving cream make such stark differences in the figures mentioned before, you have to ask yourself the question: Wouldn’t I be more receptive to someone who smelled like roses? Wouldn’t I be coerced more willingly into a pointless purchase if I was satisfied in matters of olfaction? I think you’ll find that the answer is yes, yes you would be.

Of course, nothing measures success like good mothering. Although all of us need to be told to wipe the blood from our lips and man-up when we get into trouble, there is also that small and irrational part of our psyche that wishes to be comforted when we’re in pain. And let’s face it – although Dad was great slapping that cold steak on your eye the first time you got whapped with a baseball, he isn’t gonna be there to rub your feet and feed you chicken broth when you have the sniffles. A very important part of child development is TLC. It’s what trains us to value negotiation over brute force; what keeps us in check all those years down the road when that that kid in our Algebra class won’t stop talking about his new video game and our pencil is poised to strike. When you get down to it, mothers are the only ones who can offer that ever-so-important tender, loving care. They’re the ones who’ll wear the luridly flowered aprons and cook the slightly-burned bacon that make a house feel like home. They’ll never tell you the truth about your school photos, and always compliment your English essays. You’re your mommy’s googly-bear, her snuffle-dove. Honestly, Pops will never hit that level of endearing smothering, no matter how hard he tries . . . unless he’s Clay Aiken, but I shouldn’t get into that now.

Being a decent human being, of course, I believe that both genders must have equal representation under the law, but I think we can all agree that when we strip bare the pillar of humanity, doing away with sociopolitical nuances and attitudes, women leave men in the dust. But don’t worry boys – if there’s anything people like Chris Crocker have been a shining example of, it’s that you can shed that cumbersome coat of masculinity and release your inner diva.

"Loving the Alien"

"Leonard Nimoy’s quizzically handsome, slightly inscrutable, deep-voiced Vulcan Spock -- a man so arch he had permanent raised eyebrows -- was . . . [a] kind of missing link between the British TV alien time traveler Doctor Who (who debuted in 1963) and Yoda, Spock, the Vulcan with the ears of an elf, the bangs of a mid-'60s turtlenecked nightclub dandy, and the manners of an extraterrestrial Zen guru, was, symbolically speaking, humanity “evolved” into a creature of ultimate, impeccable logic and wisdom. Of course, such perfection isn’t really attainable, or even necessarily desirable, which is why the flaw in Spock’s nature, his human side -- the bits of emotion that niggled away at his placid demeanor -- were what made him sympathetic. Yet within the temperamentally integrated rainbow coalition that was the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise, Spock, the suavely rational brain man, represented something new: the coming of geek chic." -- 'Star Trek': Why Spock is cooler than ever by Owen Gleiberman

"Chibi Spock" by aurorblackcat on DeviantArt

I have a new and ever-growing love for Mr. Spock. Some ask me, "But why Spock? Why Spock?! The ears, the ears!" To that I say, "Hm, nyah -- shuddup, I can't hear the TOS episode over your yapping." I can understand how some might not find Spock attractive: Leonard Nimoy (the actor who played Spock -- the original Spock, the real Spock, thankyouverymuch, Zachary Quinto) is not conventionally handsome, by any means; he's an indifferent character, ostensibly incapable of showing emotion; in the same vein, he's acutely logical, possessing such an unyielding sense of rational -- completely untainted by feeling -- as to make him seem cold and perhaps even cruel; and let's not forget the ears and eyebrows. However, I think it's crystal clear why Spock is so mind-numbingly attractive. And I will share that knowledge with you. You're welcome.


Seeing as how this is the biggest and most obvious reason for Spock's appeal, I'll get it over with right off the bat: The man (Vulcan?) could out-think Einstein any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Our boy Spocky is an intelligent little thing. He's served as a Science Officer under two captains, in addition to First Officer under one. With a brain that vast, you'd never be intellectually bored. Such dedication to bettering one's mind shows a sense of commitment and passion, both of which as hugely important factors to Teh Appeal.


Spock is notorious for his ostensible incapability to display emotion. Given that, if he ever told you he loved you, he'd really have to frickin' mean it. All the females I know need that sense of sincerity behind a declaration of love, which Spock is more than able to provide.


Spoiler alert (from 27 years ago)! In Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Spock dies while saving the Enterprise from the Genesis Device which Khan had activated to destroy it. He ultimately saves the ship by restoring its power, but dies from the radiation released by the damaged warp drive. In the funeral held by the crew, Spock's body is shot into space . . . eventually landing on the Genesis planet, which converts his body so that he is once again a (living) baby. Moral of the story: Not even death will do you part -- Spock can love you forever.


Although he is often presented as gentle and reserved, Spock contains an arsenal of wow-worthy physical abilities. Never mind heightened strength, stamina, and agility, he can incapacitate someone by pinching one's neck! That is very nearly a superpower. How. Freaking. Awesome.


Despite the fact that it will likely require a bit of coercive maneuvers on his will and body, Spock will sing a beautiful, tantalizing, elegiac melody for you. In addition to his vocal talents, he is also a master of the piano and Vulcan lute. Haven't you always wanted a strong and silent alien hybrid to sing you to sleep? I know I have.

Spock has the capacity (and sometimes the desire) to share thoughts, emotions, and knowledge with other individuals through no more than the act of sticking his fingers on your face. He can do this with two hands or one hand. Do you know what this could entail? Telling you just what he thinks of you in that dress without any insulted and disturbed glances from passerbys. Knowing not only that it's not "nothing," but the exact "something" that's made you mad. It would be an endless mindscrew and utterly amazing. I have no shame in admitting that he can Vulcan mind-meld me to his heart's content anytime he wants.


In essence, Spock is a bold and confident man, and will easily go where no other has gone before. He takes on the Horta when Kirk proves to be too much of a latent, emasculated girly-man. His dangerous and cunning alter ego can attractively wear facial hair. He made out with a hot nurse on a chaise lounge. He has, time and time again, shown himself to be a man of poise and assertiveness. Given the utter confidence he places in the risks he takes, I wouldn't mind entrusting my heart to him. And should that ever prove to be a mistake, I have the trust in knowing that he is, and always will be, my friend.




P.S. Sorry for not getting this up yesterday -- would you believe I actually just plain forgot? Yeesh, I feel stupid. :P

Ch-ch-ch-changes for Teh Blog

1) Summertime has come into my life. The school year has ended, and I'm a free women -- until the 22nd, when I start up an intense French 101 course at my local community college. That aside, I've come to realize that, with my days being so freed up without the burden of a regular school schedule, I should probably get more on top of doing regular blog posts (And there was much rejoicing . . . Yay! Yay!). I won't promise anything, because that's never worked in the past (oops -- *wrist slap*), but I'm earnestly going to try to update twice a week: Mondays and Thursdays around 3 am GMT.

2) I run short on ideas. That hampers my ability to produce blogs that will satisfy my perfectionism and amuse/provoke thoughtfulness in you. That being said: PLEASE TELL ME TOPICS YOU'D LIKE ME TO WRITE ABOUT. Please, please, please make a comment with any and all ideas you have for a post, either with your Blogger account or anonymously. This will make it easier for me to turn out fast and quality work (you might be surprised with the amount of time it takes to formulate and shape an idea), as well as providing an opportunity for you to get what you want out of this blog.

With that, I sign off. I love my readers, all one and a half of you!