In Which I Whine, and You Get To Listen Because I Love You

Sometimes I wish I could be beautiful. Traffic-stopping, breathtaking, silence-inducing, can-I-buy-you-a-drink beautiful. Judging by the copious aesthetic enhancement products on the market, I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Now, I don't consider myself a particularly vain person -- sure, I have my moments (don't we all?), and I certainly take pride in my appearance (though not excessively), but I don't taunt and flaunt what the good Lord gave me . . . such as it is. :P Still, I find myself wondering what it would be like to be one of "them."

Yes, you're gorgeous -- now go hide in a corner.

Is it as flawless a life as it seems? Logically, I can tell myself no with just a sweep over the tabloids. But a little voice -- that niggling, soft, shallow voice in the back of my mind -- says that it would be different: It would be perfect. Could you imagine the dizzying power of having the male (or female) population at your beck and call? It would be sickening and delightful, I'm sure.

I'll confess something to you: You know that girl who everyone stares at when she walks into a room, and keep casting glances at her throughout all of class? I've always wanted to be her, even as a little girl. I don't know what that says about me. Naturally, I wouldn't change who I am intrinsically to become "her," but it's a nice little daydream to dredge up on boring days. Tell me I'm not alone?

I think I'll expound a bit on this last thought. There are different types of "her," of course: vapid but fun, self-absorbed and spiteful, shy and unaware, manipulative and outgoing . . . -- all beautiful. I find it odd how few very attractive people have truly balanced personalities. Nearly all of them can be cubbyhole-d within the first ten minutes of initial interaction. I find it a sad but inevitable fate for the majority of beauties. (Btw, this is the part where my daydream starts to waver, and the notion that's it's probably better not to look like an angel wiggles in.)

Oh, don't leave yet! I'm sure I could muster up some more self esteem for you to destroy.

Despite the obvious dissatisfaction stunning stars in the news have with life, I can't help but override my natural aversion to their personalities, and focus on their sculpted appearances. What would it be like to put on dress after dress and embody perfection every time? What would it feel like to have thousands of people telling you how beautiful you are on the streets, on the internet, in interviews, in magazines?

There are many times I wish I could have this life, just for one day. God knows I'd probably be disillusioned of the whole idea within two hours, but I'd like to experience it nonetheless, just to be able to say, "yes, I am soul-crushingly attractive and you hate me but you can't look away, can you?"

P.S. Yes, I know that life isn't all it's cut out to be, and no, I wouldn't change who I am or what I look like to anything in the world.

P.P.S. Wow, this post was all over the place, huh? Well, I blame the late hour for causing me to emotionally vomit all over the screen. I'll try to make things more fluid next time around.



OMG no DaBo? Will mend!

No need to thank me, ma'am, it's all in the line of duty.

Humanity Annoys Me

Why, when a someone wants to stop being friends with you, does he/she just start ignoring you right off the bat or slowly withdraw from you? Why, if we don't want to hang out with a person anymore, can we not just respectfully tell them so? Are we really all so codependent?

Gah! It frustrates me. :P

I'm going to set up a hypothetical situation for you real quick: 

There are three friends: Gianna, Anne, and Catherine. One day, Gianna decided she wanted to stop being friends with Anne and Catherine. Well, she started hanging out with other people, and Anne caught on pretty quickly. She was hurt, but accepted it. Catherine, however, was in complete denial. Catherine was still inviting Gianna out to events, and every time -- every single time, bar none -- one of these invitations was extended, Gianna said, "Um, okay, I'll try, but I have a lot of homework." But still Catherine persisted, even though she and Gianna hadn't been able to hang out inside or outside of school for months, and Gianna actively sought to ignore her when passing her in the hallways.

Have you ever had a "Catherine" in your life? 'Cause mine is driving me crazy!

Why does life have to be so annoying and confusing?

My Muse is PMSing

Have you ever had those days, weeks, months, where anything and everything creative (whether it be in writing, music, or simple conversation) not only eludes you, but beats you back with a hot poker? 

Oh yeah, that's where I am right now.

I feel especially horrible, because my life is so dependent on the left hemisphere of my brain, and my little funks have never been quite so bad for quite so long. *tear* 

And have you ever noticed that these creative depressions, such as they are, always hit the day you need your wit about you the most? Like in class, when you're sitting next to this really hot guy, and he talks to you -- under normal circumstances, you'd be able to make him smile, maybe even laugh, but today he looks at you as though you're a retarded penguin who just sprouted another beak. Then, you think of the most amazing line ever that would've been perfect to use about fifteen minutes earlier. So for the rest of the afternoon, you mentally prep yourself for your encounter with him the next day -- and you think you've eluded The Funk -- except he isn't there when you show up. That day, or the next day. And when you finally do see him, he sits across the aisle from you, so you can hear his voice, and see the back of his gorgeous head, and study his strands of silken hair, but have no opportunity to redeem yourself, forever cursed to be thought of as an illiterate, banal platypus.

Ah, darn you to the hottest rings of hell, Left-Hemisphere Glitch!

Of course that's a hypothetical situation, why do you ask? o.O

For the sake of the world at large, let's pray that my muse and vocabulary return to me soon, hmm?